On balance

A blog I read does nice little Q and A with parents (moms, to be specific) about how they handle all the balancing that it takes to have a happy baby, a happy marriage, a little time to yourself, dinner on the table, toilet paper in the bathroom, clean socks, etc...

I am a big believer in balance and I like this series a lot so I'm borrowing this format to explain how our completely nutty lives work.

What's your work schedule?
I work three nights a week - 7 p.m. to about 7:30 a.m. I drive sometimes, but usually take the train. I leave the house at about 6 p.m. (if I'm lucky a sweet toddler and her dad will walk me to the El stop nearby). With a train ride I'm home between 8:15 and 9 a.m. depending on delays and when I actually leave the hospital. If I drive home I am through through the door 15-20 minutes after I leave the floor I'm working on, which is a good argument for driving.

I also have meetings each month for committees I'm on -- those are during the day so usually I hustle to those and back, often with a quick stop at the mall near my work for a little shopping fun.

How do you handle childcare?
Right now it's nearly all a balancing act between B and me. He watches her while I'm at work (not a big deal since she is asleep almost the entire time) and when I sleep after work. Usually I come home from a shift at work, hang out with D, play a bit, take a shower, eat breakfast with the fam, then get sleepy enough to retreat to the bed! I sleep for a few hours or much of the day, depending on what's next.

Before I go to work (whether it's day 1 when I just take an afternoon nap or a second day of a few in a row) we all have family time. I get ready for work and B helps put together my lunch and D marches around. We eat together and usually I can give D her dinner and bath before I head out.

Over this summer we've been lucky to have some help as our friend (who is on her way to medical school soon!) has spent time with D to facilitate time for B to work, time for me to sleep and time for us both to leave the house without D!

What do you like best about your current setup?
I love that we are all together a lot. I also like that our lives are flexible and random. I love being able to do leisurely grocery trips with D when we talk about fruit, eat samples and say hi to people we meet. I love taking Tuesday afternoon walks that end in a beer garden. I love eating breakfast all together. We are incredibly lucky. 

I also love that my parents get to take D for a few days at a time sometimes -- they get to enjoy (and be tuckered out) by their awesome granddaughter. I love that D gets to spend her time with people who love her.

What do you find so-so/tricky/hilariously-bad about your current setup? What would you change?
I love working nights, but I hate working nights. That's the main issue. Night shifts allows me to not miss D by being at work when she is up, but it means I have to sleep when she's up. The flexibility we have is great but our schedule is a puzzle and source of confusion EVERY WEEK.

How do you and your husband fit marriage in the balance?
We've had a few nights out -- when D's been with my parents or with a sitter. Those are phenomenal for de-compressing, talking and all that. D goes to bed at 6 or 7 p.m. so when I'm not at work we get to spend time together then -- cooking dinner, watching a show, drinking wine.

Do you have time for yourself?
Well.... sorta? Kinda? Maybe? I don't want to leave D to do something for myself, but I know that I should so I'm working on that. Schedule-wise that's tough! We went to Cape Cod for a week and before that I got my toes done then took a trip to Target one day and to a fancy mall the next. It was really, really nice "me time." I'm still learning to really let go and enjoy myself. I literally wandered around the mall for three hours losing track of time, then stopped at the liquor store to get a Father's Day gift for B and grabbed some shortbread cookies there because I forgot to eat lunch. (They would have been great with the scotch though!) So, I need to do more me-time to get better at it. Right?

Do you ever wonder how other women manage the juggle? What advice would you give others?
I ask everyone at my work about it. Every mom I meet I say "how do you make this work?" I've realized there are zero right answers. The math doesn't work. I can't spend all my time with D, quality time with B, alone time with myself, sleep an adequate amount and work a full-time job. So, this is just how life goes. We try to make all the crazy as happy as it can be -- and that's pretty happy so far. There are weeks where we are so organized and weeks where we are a mess; weeks where we eat well and weeks where it's all we can do to make toast. But we have this awesome, beautiful, adventurous toddler who doesn't seem to care how put-together anything is so that makes it all pretty wonderful regardless.

I think the best advice (which I tell myself) is to enjoy everything (especially the crazy) because I swear D was a newborn like 3 seconds ago, prioritize what is important, and reassess as needed.