Life experience? Or half-baked?

When I do something silly, or something that seems silly, my dad suggests it might be "half-baked, Benjamin." When my dad suggests something silly he calls it a "life experience." It's awesome.

I've got a bit of a plan and I'm trying to determine if it's half-baked or a fully-baked life experience. Here goes:

I'm thinking of quitting my (rather stupid) job and going to school full-time for the summer. Come fall I'll continue school and find some part-time work too. Summer courses - which are on an 8-week condensed schedule - mean I'll be able to tackle two nursing pre-requisites and take Anatomy and Physiology in the fall. I'll be able to spend time with family and friends over the summer, avoid the misery of the summer camp at my current job, and prepare for the wedding (maybe tackle some things we'd otherwise pay for).

I'll be able to pay for COBRA for my health insurance for the two months before B and I get married and I can hop onto his insurance. I have maxed out the vacation I can earn at work so I'll get paid out for 3 weeks of vacation. I'll also drop the only non-wonderful thing in my life.

The prospect of quitting is scary, but so SO empowering too. Financially we can swing it, and it puts me closer to a career in healthcare - which sounds so fantastic. But it's also a risk - I know that I can continue classes, but there are some maybes too - maybe I can find part-time work? (I'm pretty sure I can - just don't know exactly what it will be. Maybe I can sling drinks at one of the new restaurants opening up on my block, or teach swim lessons... whatever).

I have a meeting on Thursday with my boss, her boss and a human resources person - to discuss my predictive index survey, which I had to take because I scored much better on an employee opinion survey than my boss. (Hint: my boss sucks, I do not.) I also have a job interview on Friday. So, as spring pops up I've got a lot to consider - half-baked or not.

Balance

I realize how very, very, very important balance is frequently. I talk about it sometimes - like at work I mention to families that they have to find what works best for them - even if something works perfectly in one way, it might really suck in another. I'm a big believer in the idea of ying and yang, quiet and loud, serious and silly.

I realize how bizarrely important school is for me. Sometimes taking a chemistry class every Tuesday and Thursday night from 6-9:40 p.m. is annoying. Today, for instance, inside my backpack which I carried out of my apartment at about 6:30 a.m.:

• Clothes to change into after work, including socks (score for not forgetting socks!)
• Giant textbook
• Notebook
• Printouts of lab report, homework, helpful handouts
• Pop
• Water bottle
• Snacks including yogurt, strawberries, ginger cat cookies, Cheerios, fruit snacks and a peanut butter fiber bar
• Calculator
• A (makeup) case full of pens, pencils, highlighters, etc...

Yikes! I seriously feel like I'm taking an expedition sometimes.

But when I arrive at Chem 201 it feels like the other crap melts away. I take diligent notes. I organize myself. I laugh with classmates and talk about problem sets. I apply chemistry to life (not hard, since chemistry is awesome and everywhere). I smile. I get so proud about my successes. I feel strong, smart and sometimes very confused. I raise my hand to answer questions. I love it.

My work is currently pretty suckfaced, but I swear that chemistry is keeping my head above water. It makes me massively busier each week. It takes hours away from me when I could watch Lost, plan my wedding, workout, or take naps. But chemistry is all mine. There's no drama, no coordinating, no sharing.

Whether chemistry likes it or not, it's the best part of my week. It brings balance to all the other rubbish and debris. It gives my brain a wonderful place to go when I'm frustrated or annoyed. It gives me perspective. Chemistry makes everything else make sense - and even when it can't make things sensible it offers a beautiful world of order. It's so very unlike all the other crap, but it's so involved in everything (chemical reactions are everywhere, you know).

I love chemistry. And it makes me love my life, even in the midst of heaps of stupidity.

Maybe that's just how smart I am.